It was not me who slept in until 10:57 this morning. I am a responsible mommy and always get up before the crack of dawn to cook a 5 course breakfast for my boys. I would never use my husband being on the graveyard shift to my advantage and have him watch Aiden while my bum was still in bed.
It was not me who, upon taking my prenatal vitamin, accidentally dropped said vitamin into the sink, quickly retrieved the pill, and promptly popped it in my mouth. Germs live in that basin and I know for a fact that it hadn't been disinfected in days. I am a borderline germaphobe and would never do such a disgusting thing!
It was not me who replied, "Good job, son. Thanks for telling me!" in an excited tone when yelled at by my 2 year old: "Mommy, I pee-pee'd in my diaper!" in the middle of the men's department at JCPenney - with proper gentlemen within hearing range. That would be uncouth and imply I have poor manners (which I don't!).
It was not me who walked around for who knows how long with spit-up on my shirt. When holding my newborn, I always give him my full attention and keep track of his every move. Said spit-up was not on my shoulder, down my sleeve, down my back, and a bit on the back of my pant leg.
It was not me who changed a poopy diaper and then took cookies out of the communal, family cookie jar. I always wash my hands after any contact with little bums!
And it was not me who baked a pizza with the the cardboard still underneath. I definitely at least noticed as I was slicing said pizza. I would not have only realized my stupidity an hour later when I went to wrap up the left overs. What, am I, blonde or something?
It was not me who, upon taking my prenatal vitamin, accidentally dropped said vitamin into the sink, quickly retrieved the pill, and promptly popped it in my mouth. Germs live in that basin and I know for a fact that it hadn't been disinfected in days. I am a borderline germaphobe and would never do such a disgusting thing!
It was not me who replied, "Good job, son. Thanks for telling me!" in an excited tone when yelled at by my 2 year old: "Mommy, I pee-pee'd in my diaper!" in the middle of the men's department at JCPenney - with proper gentlemen within hearing range. That would be uncouth and imply I have poor manners (which I don't!).
It was not me who walked around for who knows how long with spit-up on my shirt. When holding my newborn, I always give him my full attention and keep track of his every move. Said spit-up was not on my shoulder, down my sleeve, down my back, and a bit on the back of my pant leg.
It was not me who changed a poopy diaper and then took cookies out of the communal, family cookie jar. I always wash my hands after any contact with little bums!
And it was not me who baked a pizza with the the cardboard still underneath. I definitely at least noticed as I was slicing said pizza. I would not have only realized my stupidity an hour later when I went to wrap up the left overs. What, am I, blonde or something?
I always walk directly next to my son and focus intently on him and his actions, no matter how tired I am or where we happen to be. And it was DEFINITELY not my son who yelled out, "Mommy, it's dog poo-poo! I just frew [threw] dog poo-poo!" as we were strolling through our subdivision.
I am always a wonderful, stimulating, character-building, smiling, clean Mommy!
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Kira, a friend from middle school has been doing this on her blog for some time now, and it is my favorite blogging thing ever! You can check out where the idea all began at the blog that started it all. Thanks for letting me steal the idea, Kira! And if you haven't done something, please share it in the comment section of this post. I hope you at least got a chuckle out of all this ... I know I feel better just sharing how perfect I really am!
