Friday, January 16, 2009
It's Not All a Fairytale
I hear phrases like this all the time: "Oh! You look so good. You MUST be feeling great!" Or, "Your life is just so wonderful, everything just works out perfectly." Let me start out by saying that I can't deny that the later is definitely true, but it's not because I made it that way, or that I have good luck, but that the Lord has immeasurably chosen to bless me in a positively physical way so far in my life. And even if He chose to take it all away (like Job), that wouldn't change the fact that my God is SO good. Ok, so that all being said, it's time to stop lying thru my teeth (perfectly straight from braces - thanks, Dad!) and say that I am NOT ok!!!! Actually, I feel ick! And since Andy has been working 16 hour days, you all get to hear about!
I am exhausted, but can't fall asleep because my pelvic bones are still realigning and they throb in pain. And falling asleep sitting up is out of the question because that kills my back and brings on the leg cramps. Then there's the omnipresent heartburn. And if I do manage to fall asleep, there are the crazy dreams. Like the one last night. Before I went to bed, I wound-down with a bowl of fruit salad (slight variation of Gigi's, but still super yummy!) and watched a special on the travel channel about the 10 largest bridges in the world. It appealed to my drop-out civil engineering mind, but I forgot one thing: my biggest fear in life is water; coming in a close 2nd are bridges! Combined with the hour of news I had watched about the plane that emergency landed in the Hudson River and that documentary, I dreamt of being forced to jump off a bridge into the Hudson. That somehow spiraled into having to take swimming lessons. Which, yes, you guessed it, was the most traumatic thing I had to endure as a child (followed closely by 6 years of piano lessons! Sorry to disappoint, Mom and Dad )-: )
And that's just in the evening! During the day it's my sciatic nerve acting up, hip pain, and the innevitable waddling! Did I mention the heartburn?! Even a glass of water brings it on! Braxton Hicks contractions (fake contractions) are cramping my style (so to speak!) and they make me feel nauseous. This sweet little bundle inside of me is quite active - always moving and kicking! So much so, in fact, that I can't tell if I have a tummy ache or just have feet stuck in my ribs! Little dude, do you ever sleep?!?!
And I am not even going to touch on all the things that I don't get done each day that just eats away at me. I hate not being perfect!
Well, I think that about covers it! If you made it thru all that - thanks! I feel better. And yeah, that really is ALL that is wrong with me. Andy is loving and supportive as ever, Aiden is sweet and honest, I get to stay home and choose how much or how little I "work" each day, and the economic crisis hasn't affected us one bit. So, I might not feel as good as I look or sound, but I am still SO blessed! I hope you can relate, if even just a little!